Are You Addicted to Sex?

Do you think about sex constantly? Has it started to rule your life? Are you cheating on your partner because of your compulsion? Do you feel out of control when you engage in certain sexual behaviors? If you can answer yes to any of these questions, you may be addicted to sex. Experts don’t fully agree on the existence of sex addiction, and the Bible of mental health, the DSM-V, only includes it in passing. But if you are living it, sex addiction is very real. How do you know if you have a problem or you just really enjoy sex?

What Is Sex Addiction?

Sex addiction goes by many names, and not all experts are comfortable with this popular term. They like to call it hypersexual disorder or compulsive sexual behavior, but whatever you call it, it amounts to the same thing: an obsession with sexual behaviors that leaves you feeling out of control and distressed and that impacts your life in negative ways. Like any other type of addiction, sex addiction is an obsession and a compulsion. If you’re addicted to something, you keep going after it, regardless of the consequences. With sex addiction, it doesn’t matter what the type of sexual behavior is that constitutes your obsession; it’s your level of compulsion and lack of control that makes it an addiction.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Sex

The above definition of sex addiction is important to understand. So-called deviant sex behaviors don’t necessarily make you an addict. Practicing kink or domination with a consenting partner doesn’t make you addicted to sex. Even having sex outside of your primary relationship does not make you a sex addict, as long as your relationship is open and everyone is happy with the arrangement. Here’s what makes it unhealthy and what indicates you are addicted to sex:

• The time you spend engaging in or fantasizing about sex interferes with other aspects of your life. This could mean that it disrupts your relationships, keeps you from completing your responsibilities or prevents you from engaging in non-sexual activities you used to enjoy.
• You engage in your sexual behaviors in response to emotional states. In other words, you use sex to medicate bad feelings like depression, stress or anxiety.
• You try to control your sexual behaviors but can’t. You realize you have a bit of a problem and decide to cut back. Your efforts fail and you keep on with the same old patterns.
• You recognize the harm that sex is causing you and others you care about, but you keep doing it anyway.
• You may no longer derive any satisfaction or enjoyment from your sexual behaviors, but you can’t stop engaging in them.

Even if you recognize just one of these behaviors in yourself, you need to step back and assess your relationship to sex. If you see more than one of these, you may be diagnosable as a sex addict. The best thing you can do for yourself and your partner, if you have one, is to get professional help. While some experts may debate the existence of sex addiction, many know that it is real and have the expertise and experience to help you. Look for a therapist who works with people struggling with sex and sex addiction, and with time you will be able to turn your life around.