Sex Addiction and LGBTQ Issues

Sex addiction is an equal opportunity affliction, affecting all segments of the population equally regardless of race, religion, financial status, sexual orientation, gender identity, or anything else. And on a very basic level the treatment for sexual addiction is the same for everyone—directive forms of therapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy coupled with sex addiction-focused group sessions, social learning, and 12-step work.

However, every sex addict is unique. Sex addicts come from different cultures, with different upbringings, and they often chase very different forms of sexual activity. Treatment of sexual addiction should always take this into account, especially when sexual orientation and/or gender identity factors in. 

The ABCs of LGBTQ

Of course, many people are unsure about what it means to be L, G, B, T, or Q (even when they are one of these things). Given this, basic definitions are provided below, followed by a short explanation of how sex addiction treatment can and should be tailored to suit LGBTQ sex addicts’ individual needs.

• Lesbian (L): Lesbians are women who have a personally significant and meaningful romantic and/or sexual attraction to other women.
• Gay (G): Gays are men who have a personally significant and meaningful romantic and/or sexual attraction to other men.
• Bisexual (B): Bisexuals are people who have a personally significant and meaningful romantic and/or sexual attraction to both men and women. Those who self-identify as bisexual need not be equally attracted to both genders.
• Transgender (T): Transgender people (also called transsexuals) feel as if they were born into a wrong-gender body (a woman trapped in a man’s body, or a man trapped in a woman’s body). They may be pre-operative (still in the wrong body) or post-operative (finally in the right body, thanks to modern medicine).
• Queer (Q): Queer was once synonymous with gay, but now it is a catch-all term for anyone who feels outside the sex/gender norm. Lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgender people can all self-identify as queer, as can individuals with gender dysphoria issues that don’t reach the level of transgenderism (cross-dressers, for instance). People with fetishes, a desire for polyamory, or other non-normative sex- and gender-related thoughts and feelings may also choose to self-identify as queer.

The above definitions are both broad and limiting, and many people would prefer alternative wording (or no definitions at all). Plus, there’s a huge array of sexual behavior that is not so easily categorized. For instance, many sex addicts will be sexual with almost anyone in the vicinity, regardless of gender. This does not mean that they are bisexual or gay or lesbian or heterosexual or anything else. It simply means that their sexual addiction has escalated to the point where they can’t stop themselves no matter what. As such, any label that a sex addict chooses to self-identify with (including no label at all) is perfectly acceptable in sex addiction treatment.

The Role of LGBTQ Terms in Sex Addiction Treatment

When a sex addict does self-identify with a particular term, it is important that his or her therapist recognizes this and accepts it. It is also important for everyone involved to understand that being gay or lesbian or whatever is not the cause of a person’s sex addiction. Yes, it may play into when/where/how the addict chooses to be sexual in his or her addiction, but it does not in any way cause the addiction.

Simply put, sexual addiction arises when individuals (regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity) compulsively engage in patterns of escapist sexual activity to avoid stress, emotional discomfort, and/or the pain of underlying psychological conditions such as depression, anxiety, attachment deficits, and unresolved trauma. These are not LGBTQ issues; they are human issues that affect all segments of the population equally.

That said, many LGBTQ sex addicts arrive in treatment with an extra layer of trauma and shame related to their sexual orientation/identity and the ways in which that orientation/identity has been responded to by their families and/or society. (Remember that a mere 40 years ago homosexuality was illegal in most jurisdictions and deemed a mental illness by the American Psychiatric Association.)

Unfortunately, non-enlightened therapists can do damage when working with a sexually addicted LGBTQ client by blaming the person’s addiction on his or her sexual orientation/identity and attempting to “cure” the “problem” by making that person “straight,” usually through either aversion therapy or reparative therapy—this despite condemnation of these techniques by virtually every credible therapeutic alliance and organization, and copious amounts of research confirming that both sexual orientation and gender identity are fixed and immutable, and no amount or type of therapy can change either one of them. Given this, the proper approach when treating LGBTQ sex addicts is to make sure the individual is comfortable with his or her orientation/identity, and then to treat his or her sex addiction for what it is—an entirely separate issue.