Protecting Your Children Online

In a previous blog we looked at the primary dangers that young people face in the online universe, most notably digital predators, pornography, sexting, and cyberbullying. This week’s blog is focused on the ways in which parents can protect their children from these hazards without restricting their ability to experience all the good that digital technology brings them. In a blanket attempt to protect their kids, some parents try to keep their kids offline completely, or to limit their Internet use to schoolwork only. This is not a particularly good idea, akin to telling them: We love you and we want to protect you, so you’re not allowed leave the house for any reason until you turn 18. In other words, keeping kids offline creates a form of social isolation that will not serve them in the long-run. A better idea is for parents to recognize and understand that kids live and interact in an increasingly digital world and that is highly unlikely to change. As such, depriving kids of digital technology is depriving them of something they both want and need for healthy development.

It is also important to realize that even if you do try to keep your kids offline, you won’t succeed, as kids can access the Internet at school, the local library, coffee shops, a friend’s house, and just about everywhere else they go. In other words, if you think you’re going to separate your kids from something as ubiquitous as the Internet, you need to think again. They’re going to get online and interact, and there’s not a lot you can do to stop them. So rather than “protecting” your children by taking away a vital avenue for social interaction and information gathering, you may want to simply engage them in a series of open, honest, nonjudgmental conversations about the Internet and the dangers it sometimes poses. (This is especially useful with “birds and bees” issues like online pornography and sexting.)

Because kids are being exposed to porn and other sexual content at younger and younger ages, it is a good idea to start these conversations before your kids reach adolescence. In fact, discussing pornography and similar issues in an age-appropriate manner with preadolescent kids is an absolute necessity in today’s world. With an eight-year-old you might explain the basics of what porn is, telling your child that it is not OK to view it and if he or she sees it he or she should tell you immediately. With older kids it is more important to help them understand that the imagery they see online is not indicative of real life; instead, it is highly objectified and focused solely on the sexual act, with little to no consideration of the model’s safety (emotional or physical) or the joys of relationship intimacy as an integral part of sex.

Yes, having “sexual” conversations with your kids can make them (and you) highly uncomfortable. However, if you explain that you want to have these discussions because you are worried about their online safety and want to make sure they are safe without you watching over their shoulder 24/7, which is something that no kid wants, your entreaties are likely to be received in a positive fashion. Plus, this open type of approach makes you and your child equal partners in working out the rules, guidelines, and other protective measures implemented in regard to digital interactions.

One of the most commonly used and effective protective measures is the installation of “parental control” software programs. That said, it is not wise to install parental control software on your child’s digital devices without first discussing it with him or her. In fact, the best approach is to involve your child right from the start in the decision to purchase and install protective software. Nearly always, given the choice between a perpetually hovering parent and relatively unobtrusive software, kids will choose the latter. Furthermore, if your kids to “buy in” to protective software up-front, they are much less likely to look for ways of circumventing it later.

There are numerous parental control software programs designed to protect children in the digital universe. Some are better than others. Useful product reviews are available here. It is important to state that none of these softwares is perfect. Most kids can find ways to access whatever it is they’re looking  for—if not on their own devices then on someone else’s. As such, parental control software programs should not be seen as enforcers of your will. They should instead be looked at as a tool of parenting that can help you to protect your children.