For many adults, porn addiction can create a tidal wave of relationship, emotional and even financial troubles. It can also lead to sexual dysfunction.

A common problem with porn addiction is the inability of the addicted individual to achieve an orgasm with their partner. Men who spend about 75 percent of their sex life masturbating to porn can develop a disconnection with their long-term partners. The brain finds this person not the visual stimulation needed to achieve an orgasm. The emotional disconnect turns into a physical problem and turns into sexual dysfunction or erectile dysfunction.

There are many different symptoms of porn addiction that may lead to sexual dysfunction including: difficulty getting an erection, difficulty reaching orgasm, the need for porn images to ejaculate, a need to include a partner in watching porn and the increase of keeping secrets.

There are many treatment plans out there for those suffering from porn addiction, sexual dysfunction or erectile dysfunction. But it needs to be noted that a majority of men do not initially receive the correct treatment. Often times, the root of the problem is overlooked which is the porn addiction itself.

Because of embarrassment or denial, many men simply visit their medical professional with the complaint of erectile dysfunction. Many only get help for the problem and not the real issue. Individuals with porn addiction need to seek treatment to overcome the addiction that may be the cause of other areas of sexual dysfunction.

There are currently no bans or barriers in place to protect individuals from porn. In fact, the porn industry has become a dominant force and markets itself as a normal and healthy interpretation of sex. Some experts find this absurd since there is so much medical evidence on the damaging effects that porn addiction has. Problems from emotional and physical problems to domestic abuse and financial ruin can occur with a porn addiction.

Throughout the world, governments step up to establish laws to protect society. Drugs, stealing and speeding are all self indulgences that are banned in many countries.

The ban simply asks that some barriers be put in place to stop the availability of porn and help to eliminate the sexualization of children and degradation of women among other issues. This also, experts believe, is a precursor to dysfunctional relationships for adults and children, encourages aggression as well as an oversexed population.

It has been proven over and over again that porn is addictive. This fact alone should cause governments to step up and look at setting up some sort of boundaries to protect society.

Though a sex addict may want to withhold information from his partner in order to avoid hurting her, omitting certain facts can be more damaging than telling hurtful information. For some sex addicts and their spouses or partners, disclosure is an important part of the healing process, but if not handled with the help of therapeutic professionals and timed correctly, coming forward can actually make matters worse.

Disclosure is traumatic for both parties (especially the spouse) and should only happen in the presence of a well-trained clinician who is experienced in the disclosure of sexually compulsive behavior. Additionally, disclosure should only occur if there is a commitment to reconciliation. Simply put, it’s not worth going through the disclosure process unless both parties can hold an intention for healing the relationship.

At the Sexual Recovery Institute, we have specific guidelines in place to ensure that the disclosure session is as productive and healing as possible:

Therapeutic Support for Both Partners. It’s extremely risky for a disclosure to take place without therapeutic support. At the Sexual Recovery Institute, both partners must have their own therapist, preferably not the same person, and be working a program of recovery. This ensures that the partner has a therapeutic advocate in the room and that they both have avenues to safely process their feelings.

The sex addict’s therapist will ensure that he shares all of the necessary information in a way that is rigorously honest, accepts responsibility for the behavior and furthers the healing process. The partner’s therapist acts as her advocate and is a resource to help her manage the intense and volatile feelings that often arise during and after a disclosure session.

Prior to the session, the partner will work with their therapist to prepare for what they expect to hear, what they might actually hear and what they hope to get out of the session. This allows the partner to process some of the shock and fear ahead of time. It is also helpful if the partner of the sex addict attends S-Anon or COSA meetings, partner support groups and practices healthy self-care. I facilitate the weekly partner’s support groups at SRI which involve education, healing exercises, and therapeutic group process empowering partners to support each other in recovery.

Full Disclosure Only. One of the most common mistakes people make in this emotionally charged situation is to disclose (or push the sex addict to disclose) before they are ready to admit the full truth in a productive way. Although this may sound overly deferential to the sex addict’s needs, waiting until the addict is ready to disclose is actually a recommendation that benefits the partner.

If the sex addict discloses too soon, he will likely make only a partial disclosure, leaving out important details that emerge later only to retraumatize the partner. A partial disclosure undermines the partner’s efforts to rebuild trust and repair the relationship. Alternatively, in a moment of crisis, when the sex addict is overcome with shame or the partner is threatening to leave unless he reveals everything, the addict may end up “dumping” too many details on the partner or disclosing when the partner doesn’t have the resources to handle such details.

Like partial disclosure, non-disclosure can also be extremely damaging. If sex addicts and their partners avoid the issue without asking any questions or giving any answers, the shamefully held secrets are never revealed. Although in AA it is suggested that alcoholics not tell their spouse about affairs, in sex addiction recovery we have found that this tradition simply allows the addict to keep on lying. In fact, not telling the spouse about affairs can be more damaging than telling the spouse.

Admitting wrongdoing is particularly important in the case of sex addiction because there is an offended party – the partner – who, maybe for the first time, gets to make choices about the information she receives. Releasing secrets and shame is also a powerful part of the healing process for the sex addict, and the only way bonds of trust and commitment can be restored in the relationship.

Appropriate Detail. With guidance from a therapist, the sex addict will describe the addictive behaviors that occurred during the relationship, eliminating only those details that would be harmful or unnecessary (such as revealing every fantasy the sex addict has ever had). Exactly how much detail is provided must be worked out in advance with a therapist.

Hearing the addict accept responsibility for the acting out behaviors can be deeply validating for the partner, who has likely felt for a very long time that something wasn’t right and questioned whether it was their imagination or something they did to push the sex addict away. Many partners begin to feel “crazy,” wondering if they are just paranoid or out of touch. The disclosure makes clear that the partner’s intuition was intact, even though the sex addict likely denied any wrongdoing, deflected any suspicions and turned the blame back around on the partner.

No Excuses. Throughout a disclosure session, we direct our sex-addicted clients to focus on just the facts and what they have learned about their addiction. They make clear that their partner did not cause this problem, and that they are taking full responsibility for their actions.

We encourage our clients to explain what they’ve learned about themselves and their behavior concisely, without making excuses or justifications for their sexual acting out. Following the disclosure, partners have the opportunity to share how they are feeling, which can range from angry and heartbroken to emotionally numb and shut down.

There are specific situations in which disclosure is not advised:

• If the partner is not in good health
• If the partner had threatened divorce or either party has seen a divorce attorney

I can’t stress enough how important it is to seek the advice of a therapist experienced with sex addiction disclosure before attempting a disclosure session on your own!

Clearing the slate in a disclosure process can set the process of healing in motion, but this is just the beginning. Rebuilding trust takes time. The process of amends happens as the addict actively and consistently works a program of recovery (e.g., 12-Step meetings, Step work with a sponsor, reaching out for emotional support), continuing to be rigorously honest even when facing disapproval, staying “present” in the relationship, going to therapy and looking inward, practicing good self-care, and living in his integrity. As the addict practices this new way of operating with consistency over time, he rebuilds his own self-respect and repairs the trust of others.

(The use of gender specific pronouns is for concise wording and in no way implies that sex addiction is a gender or orientation specific issue.)

Disclosing one’s struggles with sex addiction can be a difficult task – one that isn’t made any easier when considering whether to tell the kids. Should they know? Is it the right time? How much should you say?

I highly recommend that anyone in this position consult with a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) before attempting disclosure to children about sex addiction. The decision to disclose to children or not is one that needs careful consideration, even if the children are adults. For some, it can be part of the healing process. Others may prefer to keep their marital issues to themselves, particularly if the kids are very young and unaware of any acting out by the addict. Every situation is different and should be carefully evaluated with guidance from a CSAT professional.

Author Stefanie Carnes, PhD, CSAT-S, has done significant research on the impact of sex addiction on spouses and family members. In her book, Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts, she donates a chapter to this topic. The book is an excellent resource for those recovering from sex addiction.

Who Should Disclose

Ideally, both the sex addict and the partner should be present for disclosure to the children, though it is the sex addict who should make the disclosure in an age-appropriate way. This puts the addict in a position to accept responsibility for his behaviors and move forward in his process of making amends.

When to Start the Conversation

Only approach the kids when both partners can convey a message of hope. Children need reassurance that this is the adults’ problem and nothing they did caused it. They also need a clear message that it is the adults’ job to work on the problem; the child does not need to “do” anything.

It is important not to begin the conversation too early, but rather to wait until the initial shock and crisis have passed. The first few weeks or months following disclosure can be a volatile time for the sex addict and spouse.

When the addict is out of denial, willing to accept responsibility for his actions and exhibiting behavioral changes – and both partners are involved in a treatment and a recovery program – the conversation is most productive. If both partners are not in a recovery program, there is a higher risk of a repeating pattern of disclosure and relapse that can be extremely damaging to the partner and children.

How to Disclose

Disclosure can happen in any number of ways, some of which are more productive than others. Here are the five primary types of disclosure:

• Forced Disclosure – A forced disclosure occurs when news of an individual’s sex addiction is going to come out anyway, often because of a legal issue or an angry partner threatening to tell the child. Unfortunately, this type of disclosure forces the addict to come forward before he’s ready to share the whole truth, which is often more damaging to everyone involved.
• Softened Disclosure– Most kids, even adult children, don’t want to hear about parents’ sex lives. With younger kids, it is generally sufficient to say something they can understand like, “Daddy lied to mommy.” With older children, parents can sometimes explain that there has been a betrayal of trust or simply say there are problems in the marriage.Since children typically won’t ask for information they don’t want to hear or aren’t ready to hear, let them ask questions and set the pace of the conversation. In many cases, they already know there’s a problem and it’s validating for their feelings to be confirmed.

  If the parents are planning to separate or divorce, they may explain to younger children that, “Mommy and daddy can’t live together and get along,” whereas older children may be able to understand that there are problems in the marriage that the parents couldn’t reconcile despite their best efforts.

• Delayed Disclosure – Often, delayed disclosure comes about after first providing a softened disclosure and later, as the child matures, giving a more thorough explanation that there are problems in the marriage.
• Unbalanced Disclosure – Unbalanced disclosure occurs when one parent tells the child without the other parent’s agreement or participation. Because this often does not occur in the spirit of hope and healing, it is not as healthy or productive as softened or delayed disclosure.
• Discovery – It is not unusual for children, especially tech-savvy teenagers, to discover pornography on the sex-addicted parent’s computer or an explicit email from an acting out partner. If the child knows, it is better to talk about it honestly, in an age-appropriate way, than to sweep it under the rug.

Special Considerations

Other important considerations when talking to your kids are:

• Your reasons for disclosing (never use a child as a way to retaliate against your partner)
• The child’s health or other situations that put the child at risk
• The child’s developmental maturity and understanding of relationships, lying and related issues
• Family dynamics and concurrent issues

In families with both older and younger children, it’s typically advisable to disclose based on the younger child’s ability to understand. Telling the older children more and asking them to keep secrets from their younger sibling(s) creates an unhealthy family dynamic.

Parents should always consider what is in the best interest of the child and refrain from divulging information the child isn’t asking for or doesn’t already know. Under no circumstances should detailed or explicit information (such as the type of behavior or number of sexual partners) be provided to a child, even an adult child.

When in doubt, talk it out with a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. It is also beneficial for the children to speak with a therapist who specializes in child psychology and can work through the issues on their level. Family therapy, conducted by a professional with family systems expertise, can also provide healing.

Teachable Moments

Carl Jung instructs us to embrace our “shadow.” By acknowledging their struggles, parents can draw upon a number of teachable moments. Some of the lessons children can learn from this type of discussion are:

• The importance of commitment and intimacy in a relationship (for older children).
• No one is perfect, including their parents. This sends a powerful message that the child can make and admit mistakes and work through them as well.
• Even when grown-ups don’t know what to do about a problem, they can reach out for help. They don’t have all the answers, but they are not alone (and by extension, neither is the child).
• The parents recognized a problem (which is validating for children because chances are they already sensed that something was wrong) and are taking care of it. This bolsters the child’s sense of security.

Talking to your children about a parent’s sex addiction can be an opportunity for personal growth for each individual family member but should be given careful consideration. By following these guidelines and working with a CSAT, you can work toward making this difficult process as honest and productive as possible.

(The use of gender specific pronouns is for concise wording and in no way implies that sex addiction is a gender or orientation specific issue.)

A recent article explains that X-Rock has an ingredient called sildenafil, a similar but not exact match to the active ingredient in Viagra. While the product bears a "natural" label, men who are already using prescription medications for heart problems may experience a drop in blood pressure so low, it proves fatal.

Also gaining attention is the label’s description of contents as "herbal," with a list of ingredients that includes maca root – an herb that has not received FDA evaluation or approval for the treatment of erectile dysfunction.

The makers of X-Rock have acknowledged that the labeling may not be sufficient, while the FDA warns that X-Rock and other items likely have undisclosed chemical and drug materials under the "natural" label.

Similar warnings have been issued for over-the-counter medications for fast weight loss.

Other reports have explored growing numbers of young men with erectile dysfunction or loss of sexual interest linked to excessive pornography use and exposure.

Over time, the brain becomes "conditioned" or numbs out to sexual stimulus when excessive pornography is used, making it difficult or impossible to achieve sexual stimulation in a real-life relationship with a partner – prompting some younger men to experiment with illegitimate sexual performance drugs.

Sexual problems like erectile dysfunction can be treated by professional medical practitioners for physical factors – but other types of therapy or counseling may be effective at addressing the underlying emotional factors that can be tied to erectile and sexual dysfunction, especially when pornography addiction or sexual addiction are also present.

Thousands of people suddenly find themselves in a relationship that involves a partner’s sexual addiction or sexual compulsivity, as the estimated number of adults with these conditions reaches at least five percent of the U.S. adult population. What happens next?

A recent Psychology Today article addresses how a partner can work through the discovery that a partner is involved in sexually addictive or compulsive behaviors.

• Keep in mind that sexual addiction and sexual compulsivity are serious conditions recognized by the medical and psychological communities. The behavior is more than acting on lust or desire but is likely rooted in emotional problems for the partner or possibly past trauma that has never been brought to the surface.
• Pornography addiction, like alcohol or substance addictions, is progressive and is believed to create changes at the brain level related to pleasure. The addiction requires professional help for recovery.
• Healing and recovery are possible, but the process will require a willingness to be honest about the problem and for the partner of the person with the addiction to freely express their feelings such as anger, shame and guilt.
• Children in the home will take note of the anger and the emotional pain the sexual compulsivity or sexual addiction has caused so be careful not to create an environment where they feel they must take sides.
• Seek out support from groups like S-Anon or other support groups for families living with addiction.
• Acknowledge that healing and recovery takes time and is a committed, ongoing effort.

While the surprise of discovering a partner’s sexual addiction and the emotional, physical and social impacts are severe, professional treatment that involves both partners has been shown to help open the door to long-term recovery and relationship success.

A recent article quotes Pat Craven, representing a non-profit organization for sexual abuse called Freedom Programme, in stating that sexting may be teaching younger males a false reality that it’s OK to abuse girls sexually or to exploit sexual images of them.

Craven also mentions in the article that studies indicate girls as young as age 12 have been bullied or manipulated into sending or receiving sexual images via cell phones, and becoming increasingly viewed as objects for sex among teen males. Over time, experts fear, young girls will also come to view themselves as physical objects for sex.

The use of sexting photos for bullying or blackmail may be higher in schools than many people realize, and in many more areas than people acknowledge, says Craven. Additional impacts of the behavior are that teens are more sexually knowledgeable and more sexually active at ages much younger than previous generations, and certainly at younger ages than their parents. In one study, for example, nearly half of girls at age 14 or 15 who participated didn’t see the harm in sexting a photograph of themselves without a shirt.

Also alarming is a study result that nearly one-third of teen girls who have gotten a sexual photo or text message on their phone were completely unacquainted with the sender. These photos, warn experts, can easily be acquired by sexual predators or used as blackmail to coerce girls into sexual acts. They also note that parents may be severely unaware of their teens’ sexting behaviors or the dangers involved.

Pinterest boasts more than 11 million viewers, and recent articles are drawing attention to the "accidental" ways people are landing on sexual or illicit photos on the site. One Pinterest user, in an attempt to learn more about a potential new relationship who was following her on the site, discovered that the other user enjoys sexual pictures of women.

Even more, some viewers are finding that Pinterest users are using the site to collect and display favorite pornographic images. Pinterest also allows users the ability to be very specific about their pornographic interests.

As research uncovers more about the addictive nature of porn, including the ways viewing a pornographic image can cause changes at the brain level, Pinterest may be another online resource that could contribute to viewers’ compulsive, obsessive or addictive viewing of the materials.

Like other addictions, pornography addiction progresses over time until the viewer is no longer able to control urges and cravings for the material. Similar to addictions to drugs or alcohol, pornography addiction requires professional help to break, and can destroy careers, families, finances and lives.

For many people, pornography addiction remains a hidden activity until the consequences become sharply apparent. Sites like Pinterest may offer another "secret" outlet for people to view pornographic images and to accommodate obsessive cravings – thus keeping them farther away from uncovering the true causes and solutions for overcoming the powerful addiction.

Rick Santorum, former senator, has stated several times his desire to rigidly carry out laws surrounding adults and pornography, according to obscenity laws. Governor Mitt Romney is also being requested to share his plans regarding federal law and pornography distribution.

Currently, laws are in place that makes distributing hardcore (or obscene) pornography a crime over TV, the Internet, hotels, retail stores or by mail, among other distribution methods.

Several leaders of the War on Illegal Pornography Coalition have presented Gov. Romney with meeting requests and letters regarding tougher enforcement of these laws related to pornography distribution.

Last year, more than 40 U.S. Senators and 75 House members added their signature to letters for Attorney General Holder encouraging a stricter enforcement of obscenity laws, which are in place to help protect children, prohibit sex trafficking and to help curb cases of sex addiction and violent acts toward women.

Patrick Trueman, Morality in Media president, notes in a recent article that these measures don’t have to do with politics, but rather with encouraging stricter adherence to federal obscenity laws in order to protect people from the harm wrought by pornography.

Romney says he is in favor of tighter enforcement of these laws, and leaders like Trueman are asking for a more formal demonstration of support for the laws. Rick Santorum, among others, has declared their intent to select other leaders who share the same promises to help curb distribution of obscene pornography.

A recent post explores how the use of internet pornography may contribute to a cycle of behaviors that become addictive for viewers, starting with the element of escape or release a person may initially experience when using pornography online, similar to other drugs or substances. Often the person is using the materials to counteract feelings like sadness, depression, anger, loneliness or as a result of past trauma.

Yet, as the person continues to use the materials for a coping tool, their cravings and urges for internet pornography may become stronger and stronger until they are faced with obsessive thoughts and repeated behaviors associated with the materials.

Even when the consequences are serious and are known to the individual, they may be unable to stop themselves from viewing it in places like public areas or on the job. This compulsive nature is one of the symptoms that research continues to show make internet pornography addiction and sex addiction similar to other addictions.

A research study addressed in the post also states that many people who reported excessively using pornographic materials online believed they were addicted, but were unable to stop themselves from using the materials again to escape the unwanted emotions connected to the addiction itself.

Without professional help, the compulsive nature of internet pornography addiction can continue to destroy families, careers, finances and lives. With treatment that includes experts trained in sexual addictions, the cycle of obsessive and compulsive behaviors associated with pornography addiction, like other addictions, can be ended.