What Is a Sex Addiction Intervention?
Sex addicts are usually deep in denial about the extent of their addiction and the negative effects it is having on not only them, but the people around them. Sex addicts craft a web of lies and deceit designed to perpetuate their addiction, and they tell those lies not just to their spouses, partners, families, friends, and employers, but to themselves. Worst of all, they believe the darn things, and they fully expect everyone else to also believe them. Because of this, it can be incredibly difficult to convince a sex addict that he or she is dealing with an addiction, that the addiction is ruining his or her life (and the lives of others), and that he or she needs help.
If you’ve got a sex addict in your life, it’s possible that you’ve approached this person on your own, perhaps multiple times, hoping to instigate change. You’ve probably pleaded, cajoled, and even threatened, all to no avail. If so, you’re not alone in your frustration. Countless others who’ve been affected by another person’s sexual addiction have found themselves in exactly the same boat. Happily, there are counseling professionals—known as interventionists—who specialize in breaking through sex addicts’ denial.
The Purpose of Intervention
The primary goal of an interventionist is guiding the identified sex addict into treatment. This is not, however, the only goal. The best interventionists take a “full-family approach” to recovery. This means that as the addict enters treatment, the rest of the family also begins a process of change, perhaps attending group therapy sessions for spouses, partners, and family members of sex addicts or going to 12-step meetings designed to help the same people, such as S-Anon and COSA. In this way the interventionist tries to make sure that when the addict returns from rehab, he or she is not returning to the same environment where the addiction festered. In short, an intervention is a long-term process of change involving the entire family. In other words, interventions are not a singular event focused on the sex addict, they are instead a series of events designed to change the entire family dynamic.
What Makes a Successful Intervention?
Successful interventions include the following six steps:
- Information gathering (pre-intervention interviews with family and friends)
- Educating the addict’s family and friends about the nature of sexual addiction and the recovery process
- Engaging in a loving confrontation with the addict (sometimes more than once)
- Guiding the addict into treatment
- Guiding family and close friends into their own healing process
- Following through with aftercare recommendations
Step three, the “confrontation,” is what most people think of when they envision an intervention, and certainly this tends to be the most dramatic portion. In this stage, the sex addict is told that he or she is loved, that everyone there recognizes that he or she is a sex addict, and everyone wants to help. The addict is also told that everyone present has been educated about the nature of sexual addiction, and they will no longer do anything that supports the addiction. If, however, the addict opts for treatment, they are completely committed to helping.
Despite what is sometimes presented on TV shows depicting the intervention process, interventions are not angry confrontations. Instead, they are rational, relationship-driven interactions that offer addicts a pathway out of addiction and into recovery.
Defining Success
One thing the TV shows get right is the fact that interventions don’t always meet with full success. Addicts don’t always sit quietly and listen to what is said and then agree to willingly enter treatment. They may, in fact, recognize what is happening and simply storm out of the room, back to their addiction. Or they may listen to all that is said but reject it. Either way, the intervention is not a failure. At worst, the sex addict’s family and friends know what is happening, they understand the nature of sex addiction, and they have formed a united front by agreeing to no longer support or accept the addict’s problematic behavior. In short, the full-family approach to recovery is underway, even though the identified sex addict is not yet participating.
More importantly, the sex addict knows that his or her addiction is no longer a secret. The game is up, and his or her secrets and lies will no longer be accepted by loved ones. This alone can help to dissolve the addict’s wall of denial about his or her addiction and its negative effects. Nearly always, if friends and family, with the interventionist’s assistance, remain unified in their desire to help, another intervention can be scheduled for a later date, and hopefully the addict will agree to treatment then.
It is important to remember that no matter how hard you try, and no matter how good an interventionist is, nobody can force a sex addict to enter recovery and change his or her behavior. No amount of love and care and persistence on your part is a guarantee of success. Ultimately, sexual recovery and a happier, healthier life is the addict’s choice to make. If the addict chooses otherwise, so be it. At worst, you can still get healthier yourself.