Recovering From a Relationship With a Sex Addict

The breakup of a marriage or other romantic relationship is always challenging, but moving on from a failed relationship with someone dealing with sexual addiction can be particularly challenging. The former partners of people with sexual addiction often have their own, sometimes lengthy, process of recovery as they struggle with unresolved questions and feelings, regain trust in themselves and other people and talk about their situation with family and friends.

Relationships involving sexual addiction are typically very unhealthy. People with sex addiction often have double lives—cheating on their partners repeatedly and also lying frequently in order to hide their infidelity. This can leave the former partners of addicts wondering what they should have done differently and whether they will be able to trust future romantic partners.

Your Partner’s Addiction Was Not Your Fault

The most important thing to accept during recovery from such a relationship is that sexual addiction is not your fault. You are not in any way to blame for your partner’s addiction or for the sexual behavior that results from this addiction. The addiction has nothing to do with problems in the relationship or the quality of your sex life. There is nothing that you should have done differently to prevent your partner from developing an addiction.

Learning From the Past

Relationships involving any kind of addiction can be unhealthy and very challenging to repair. However, sex addiction is particularly toxic because it so frequently involves behavior that directly violates relationship trust and commitment. The shock of discovering your partner’s secret life can leave you wondering if you will ever find a healthy relationship and be able to trust a future partner.

However, learning to recognize the red flags of sex addiction will help you to feel more confident when it comes to picking future partners, and your own ability to recognize the warning signs of sexual addiction will help you to be more trusting.

Talking to Friends and Family About Sexual Addiction

Family and friends inevitably want to know what went wrong when a relationship fails, but talking with them about sexual addiction can be tricky. You may feel that you need the support and comfort of your social group during a difficult time, but some people find that friends and family are uncomfortable with or dismissive of the topic of sex addiction.

It is also important to be respectful of your ex-partner when it comes to discussing his or her addiction. This can mean keeping details about the relationship breakup away from younger children, from co-workers or even from certain family members in order to avoid damaging your ex-partner’s home, work or social life.

It can help to prepare for situations when questions about your past relationship are likely to crop up and to decide how you want to talk about the situation and how much information it is respectful and comfortable to reveal.

Dealing With the Temptation to Get Back Together

Despite the unhealthy nature of relationships involving sex addiction, it can sometimes be tempting to reunite with your ex-partner. The feelings of betrayal that come with the discovery of a partner’s secret life of sex addiction often lead to a breakup, but recognizing the presence of addiction can make you realize that your partner was not entirely to blame for betraying you and can make you wonder whether you should give him or her another chance.

However, it is important to keep in mind that your former partner has to complete a lengthy process of recovery in order to be able to conduct a healthy relationship once again. You may also find that you scarcely recognize your partner post-recovery, particularly if he or she was dealing with sex addiction the entire time you were together.