Can Teenagers Become Sex Addicts?

In the digital age, hardcore porn and other sexually oriented material is widely available and instantly accessible to anyone who’s looking – and even to people who aren’t looking. (The number of seemingly benign words you can type in Internet search engines that bring up porn and other “adult” sites is actually kind of shocking.) If a teenaged boy or girl is curious about sex – and most are – all they need to do is find a porn site, click a button that says “Yes I’m 18,” and they’re in. The child doesn’t have to flash a driver’s license as proof of age or even borrow a parent’s credit card to pay for anything. Sexual imagery and connections are now ubiquitous, accessible 24/7 from any laptop or smartphone, and more often than not this access is free.

Unfortunately, with this proliferation of access we are seeing a corresponding rise in problematic sexual behavior patterns – not only among adults, but among adolescents. Common warning signs that an adolescent may be experiencing problems around compulsive sexual behavior include:

• A demonstrated lack of empathy toward other individuals involved (either directly or indirectly) in the child’s sexual behavior
• Viewing and/or masturbating to pornography or online chats (text or video) for multiple hours per day/night
• Decreased interest in and/or declining performance in school and extracurricular activities
• Diminished interest in and/or ability to socialize with peers
• Excessive interest (or a total lack of interest) in typical adolescent dating activities
• Secretiveness around computer and smartphone usage such as erasing browser histories, password protecting devices, etc.
• Lying to parents or others about the nature or the amount of sexual/romantic activities
• Sexual aggression, incest, age-inappropriate relationships, etc.
• Secrecy in general, such as spending large amounts of time alone in a room with the door locked
• Sexual behavior involving drug use

An adolescent’s drive to compulsively engage in sexual behavior typically stems from a desire to feel better, which usually means feeling less. Engaging in an addictive pleasurable activity (sexual fantasies and behaviors, either solo or with others) is often the easiest way for a teen to disconnect, numb out, and not have to experience life on life’s terms. As such, the kids most at risk are those with preexisting emotional, psychological, or behavioral disorders. Not surprisingly, these are the same kids who are most at risk for developing drug and alcohol addiction. Another significant risk factor is age of first exposure to pornography. Studies repeatedly show that children exposed to pornography, especially hardcore pornography, at younger ages are far more likely to eventually become sexually compulsive. Thus, parents should probably be less worried about the 16-year-old boy who occasionally views porn on his computer for masturbation/stimulation than about his 12-year-old brother, to whom he shows the images (either intentionally or inadvertently).

Sadly, when adolescents engage in sexual behavior compulsively and addictively, their social, emotional, and psychological growth can become stunted. These children miss important growth milestones and, as a result, later struggle with dating, building relationships, and developing healthy emotional and physical intimacy. And, of course, adolescent sex addicts also suffer many of the same consequences as adult sex addicts, such as:

• Social isolation, loneliness
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Relationship problems with girlfriends/boyfriends (as well as with parents, teachers, and other adults)
• Hours, sometimes days, lost to sexual fantasy, porn use, masturbation, and other sexual behaviors
• Physical harm to genitalia (caused by excessive masturbation)
• Drug and/or alcohol use/abuse/addiction in conjunction with sexual acting out
• Sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies

If you’re a parent and you’re worried about your teen’s sexual life, the best thing you can do is talk to the child about it. However, it is important that you work through your own reactions to pornography and adolescent sexual activity before you talk to your child. The worst thing you can do is overreact, causing your teen to experience unnecessary shame and to “clam up” about his or her behavior. Having done that, you should then try to learn the extent and purpose of your child’s sexual activity. If the behavior seems extreme (multiple times daily, for hours at a time, etc.) or if it’s being engaged in as an escape/avoidance mechanism, then it might be wise to seek the help of a supportive therapist trained to deal with compulsive sexual behaviors. Parents should be careful in selecting a therapist, though, because there are very few professionals trained in the treatment of adolescent sexuality. Consider going to www.aasect.org, the website of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. There you will find comprehensive referral information. You can also contact the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles for information and advice.