Is Sex Addiction Different for Gay Men?

Studies suggest that approximately ten percent of gay men are sex addicts – individuals who’ve lost control over their sexual behavior and are suffering directly related negative consequences as a result. It should be noted that in no way does being gay make a person a sex addict. In other words, gay sex addicts are not compulsively sexual because of their sexual orientation. Rather, they are compulsively sexual because of their individual psychological issues (depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, childhood trauma, etc.) and biological predisposition toward addiction. These are exactly the same risk factors we see with straight male sex addicts.

The simple fact is gay and straight men are equally susceptible to sexual addiction. However, straight men are much more likely to seek help for their problematic sexual fantasies and behavior. In part, this stems from the fact that hooking up with multiple partners is much less acceptable in the straight community than it is among gay men.

Basically, for gay male sex addicts, destructive patterns of problematic sexual behavior take place against a cultural background of dramatically greater sexual and social freedom that heterosexuals typically experience. Although this acceptance of gay men "having a lot of sex" is in many ways a positive response to living in a homophobic, shame-based society, this carnal counterculture can easily create a downwardly spiraling cycle of sexual fantasies and behavior for men predisposed to impulsive and/or compulsive activities. In some ways, gay men who struggle with sexual behavior (or alcohol and drug use) are prisoners of their own freedoms, in that they typically have fewer cultural opportunities for self-examination and less community support for behavioral change than do straight men.

Essentially, without the right to marry (in most states) and with less cultural emphasis on long-term relationships and having children, gay sex addicts typically experience fewer consequences as a result of their sexual acting out. For most gay men the "threats" that drive straight men into treatment – divorce, loss of parental rights, loss of standing in the community, etc. – don’t exist. In fact, instead of being vilified, hypersexual gay men are often praised by the males around them. Nevertheless, gay sex addicts do experience numerous consequences including health issues (STDs), school and career issues, and even legal issues (public sex, prostitution, etc.) Furthermore, as growing numbers of gay men move toward marriage and other committed-relationship models – sometimes even adopting kids or having kids via surrogacy – they are much more likely than ever before to experience the "traditional" consequences that drive most straight male sex addicts into treatment.

For gay male sex addicts, the first step toward personal growth is recognizing the issue. If you think that you or someone you know may have a problem, consider taking the anonymous, gay-oriented sexual addiction self-evaluation test at sri3.wpengine.com/resources/self-tests/gsast.php. If the test indicates you have an issue, making an appointment with a gay-friendly sexual addiction treatment professional such as the ones at the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles and The Ranch in Tennessee for assessment is a useful and nonjudgmental way to move forward. Keep in mind that finding a therapist who is familiar with and sensitive to both sexual addiction and gay men’s issues is sometimes not an easy task. Be willing to "therapist shop" if necessary. You might also want to pick up a copy of the book Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men. And, of course, you should look into 12-step support groups for sexual addiction. Generally speaking, the most supportive of these groups is SCA (Sexual Compulsives Anonymous), www.sca-recovery.org/.