Sexual Addiction: An Excuse for Bad Behavior?
Sex addiction sounds like the kind of problem most guys would like to have. Isn’t claiming you are a sex addict just an excuse for bad behavior?
Sex addiction for the sex addict is about as much fun as alcoholism is for the alcoholic. Think about that. Many adults enjoy drinking now and then. Some people drink socially, others drink a bit at the end of the day to relax and some even get drunk once in a while (New Years, etc). For these people, which means most drinkers- using alcohol is both fun and optional. We (addiction professionals) don’t pathologize those people or judge their enjoyment of the drink. But there are others for whom drinking is neither fun or optional, people who have no control over where their first drink will lead them AND who have a history of negative consequences related to past alcohol abuse. We call those people alcoholics. For these people (perhaps 6-8% of the population) alcohol is not a good thing. These people have to be very careful and persistent about not drinking because, if they start, alcohol will eventually destroy their lives.
Similarly most healthy adults enjoy sex. And some people enjoy sex simply as a form of recreation or distraction. Both single and married adults may occasionally or frequently view porn, have sexual dalliances, affairs or even see prostitutes without it being a problem for them. Right or wrong it’s not anyone’s job to call these people ’sex addicts’ or to judge their sexuality or relationships. That is their business. However for approximately 3-8% of the adult population having recreational sex is not a good thing. Single, dating or married, when these people begin having disconnected intense sexual experiences, especially sex that involves secrecy or shame, they also begin to experience negative consequences. Once these particular individuals start using sex as a means of emotional distraction or recreation they have trouble stopping. We call these people sex addicts. And unlike the rest of us, when sex addicts have sex primarily for recreation and emotional distraction their sexual choices can end up destroying their families, careers, reputations and relationships. These people have to be very aware of how they live their lives around sex, romance and intimacy so they don’t return to the kinds of sexual situations and patterns that can very quickly ruin the good things we all work so hard to create and maintain.