“Thanks for Sharing” as an Educational Tool
One of the hardest things about being a sex addict in recovery is explaining to friends and family what sex addiction really is, and what trying to recover from it is really like. Frankly, most people either think sex addiction would be a really fun addiction to have, or they think that people suffering from it are either making it up or using it as excuse for bad behavior. If you’re in sexual recovery, of course, you know different. Sex addiction is not fun, it is not made-up, and it is not an excuse.
As many readers of this blog will be aware, the film Shame hit theaters a few years ago. Shame was a gritty and painfully accurate portrayal of life as an active sex addict. However, taking a non-addict to that film was difficult, as most of them walked away shaking their heads and thinking nobody could possibly live that way. If they knew about your sex addiction, there was a good chance they might thereafter think differently about you. And who needs that sort of external judgment when one is already riddled with shame, guilt, and remorse about one’s past sexual behaviors?
Happily, the recently released film Thanks for Sharing, starring Mark Ruffalo, Tim Robbins, Josh Gad, Pink, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Joely Richardson, is every bit as accurate as Shame in its portrayal of sexual addiction, but it is much less-cringe inducing for non-addict viewers. In fact, Thanks for Sharing is quite enjoyable to watch. Sure, there are gritty moments, which can’t be avoided in a film that truthfully portrays the realities of sex addiction, but these scenes are tempered with moments of tenderness, recovery, and humor. In other words, you can take family and friends to Thanks for Sharing without fear of them walking away from the theater thinking you’re a sicko pervert monster.
The best part about Thanks for Sharing is that it truthfully portrays four different sex addicts at four very different stages. Mike (Tim Robbins) is the elder statesman, with fifteen years clean in both AA and his S program. He gets all the great recovery-oriented lines in the film; at one point he compares the battle for sexual recovery to getting sober from crack – with the crack-pipe attached to your body. Adam (Mark Ruffalo) has five years of sexual sobriety, and is ready for the next step in recovery, which for him is healthy dating. Neil (Josh Gad) is a court-ordered newcomer who is (initially) more interested in meeting his legal obligations than actual sobriety. Dede (Pink) is also new to sexual recovery, attending “S meetings” at the suggestion of her NA sponsor because the only way she knows how to relate to men is sexually, and being sexual nearly always results in substance abuse relapse for her.
The film does not glorify or in any way gloss over the realities of addiction. We see one horrific relapse, several near relapses, and one person lying about sobriety days. We see the desperate need to “self-medicate” uncomfortable emotions – if not with sex, then with food, exercise, or mind-altering substances. We see the lasting effects that active sex addiction has on family members (wives and kids alike). We see that active addicts (and even people in recovery) have a tendency to find and latch onto other highly damaged people. And, most importantly, we see that addicts do not find or maintain sobriety on their own.
This last point is perhaps the highlight of the film. As anyone with lasting sobriety can attest, people do not stay sober without help. Thanks for Sharing hammers this point home consistently and relentlessly (without getting preachy). At one point Dede finds herself standing outside a very inappropriate ex-boyfriend’s apartment, and she calls fellow newcomer Neil for help. Neil walks her through the potential slip, helping her to see that if she rings her ex’s doorbell she will almost certainly be high before the day is over. Interestingly, the call helps not only Dede, but Neil, who was himself on the verge of acting out. This stuff really does happen in recovery!
In sum, Thanks for Sharing is a well-written, well-acted, highly entertaining movie. It is an accurate and realistic portrayal of the trials and tribulations and joys of sex addiction recovery. It is also a film that can serve as an educational tool. Friends and family members can gain insight into what sex addiction really is in a non-threatening and entertaining way. Finally, and best of all, active sex addicts can watch this film and begin to understand not just what they’re facing, but the path to health and happiness. This film is highly recommended.