What is Codependence?

These patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. They may be particularly helpful to newcomers as they begin to understand codependence and may aid those who have been in recovery, in determining what traits still need attention and transformation.

Denial Patterns:

• I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
• I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
• I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.

Low Self-Esteem Patterns:

• I have difficulty making decisions.
• I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never “good enough.”
• I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
• I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
• I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behaviors of my own.
• I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:

• I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.
• I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
• I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
• I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am often afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
• I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
• I accept sex when I want love.

Control Patterns:

• I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
• I attempt to convince others of what they “should” think and how they “truly” feel.
• I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
• I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
• I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
• I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
• I have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.

*Information from CoDA – a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships.