Partner’s Sexual Compulsivity is a Surprise Requiring Support, Knowledge
A partner finds a string of shocking sexual emails to strangers, or discovers a separate credit card account with paid sexual services or pornography.
Thousands of people suddenly find themselves in a relationship that involves a partner’s sexual addiction or sexual compulsivity, as the estimated number of adults with these conditions reaches at least five percent of the U.S. adult population. What happens next?
A recent Psychology Today article addresses how a partner can work through the discovery that a partner is involved in sexually addictive or compulsive behaviors.
- Keep in mind that sexual addiction and sexual compulsivity are serious conditions recognized by the medical and psychological communities. The behavior is more than acting on lust or desire but is likely rooted in emotional problems for the partner or possibly past trauma that has never been brought to the surface.
- Pornography addiction, like alcohol or substance addictions, is progressive and is believed to create changes at the brain level related to pleasure. The addiction requires professional help for recovery.
- Healing and recovery are possible, but the process will require a willingness to be honest about the problem and for the partner of the person with the addiction to freely express their feelings such as anger, shame and guilt.
- Children in the home will take note of the anger and the emotional pain the sexual compulsivity or sexual addiction has caused so be careful not to create an environment where they feel they must take sides.
- Seek out support from groups like S-Anon or other support groups for families living with addiction.
- Acknowledge that healing and recovery takes time and is a committed, ongoing effort.
While the surprise of discovering a partner’s sexual addiction and the emotional, physical and social impacts are severe, professional treatment that involves both partners has been shown to help open the door to long-term recovery and relationship success.