Online Protection for Sex Addicts

Sex and love addicts are their own worst enemy. And most of the time their primary accomplice is digital technology. These days, thanks to the Internet, avenues toward the development, maintenance, and escalation of sex addiction are increasing by the minute. Every new technological advance, it seems, can be utilized for its intended purpose… and also for sex. The simple, undeniable fact is the tech-connect boom has greatly increased the average person’s ability to anonymously and affordably access intensely stimulating sexual imagery (pornography), to engage in an almost unfathomable array of virtual sexual experiences (webcams, teledildonics, alternate reality sex games, etc.), and to instantly geo-locate, contact, and hook-up with casual, anonymous, and paid-for sexual partners. While this is not problematic for the majority, some people are truly lost in this sexual quagmire.

Happily, the same technology that aids and abets the full gamut of problematic sexual and romantic behaviors can also be used by sex and love addicts for purposes of recovery. Among the most useful technological sobriety tools are the numerous software programs that can be utilized to protect oneself from online acting out. Most of these “parental control” programs – as the name suggests – were initially created to protect children from inappropriate content and contacts, but they are equally effective for recovering sex and romance addicts. Features and price points vary widely, and some programs are better than others. From a sex and love addiction recovery standpoint, it is important to look for:

• Customizable Controls – Most products offer various preset filtering levels that are appropriate “as is” for children and teens. Adults, however, have different issues and needs. The best products allow for the blacklisting and whitelisting of certain sites – meaning sites that would normally be allowed at a certain preset filtering level can be manually blocked (blacklisted), and sites that would normally be blocked can be manually unblocked (whitelisted).
• Accountability – The software should include some sort of accountability function, meaning an “accountability partner” is notified of the user’s online travels, including websites visited, attempts to visit blocked websites, chat-room activities, IM conversations, GPS location (on mobile devices), and time of usage (both when and for how long).
• HTTPS and Proxy Blocking – Tech savvy addicts have been known to use proxies (intermediary Web servers) and encrypted HTTPS connections to circumvent filtering software. The software you choose should have features that prevent such abuses.
• Ease of Use – The software should be easy to install and to customize. If you are protecting more than one device, you should be able to configure global settings using a web-based interface. In this way, you can establish settings on all of your devices simultaneously instead of dealing with each machine individually.
• Availability for Your Device, and Use on Multiple Devices – Always check the software publisher’s website to make sure their product is appropriate for your devices. It doesn’t matter how great a program’s features are if it doesn’t function on your equipment. Also check to see how many devices (and what types of devices) the license covers. Most people need protection on a home computer, a laptop, and a smartphone, and it’s nice if that can be accomplished with the purchase of only one license.

It is important to remember that even the best Internet filtering software is not perfect. A resourceful and tech-savvy sex or romance addict can eventually find ways to access whatever it is that he or she is looking for. As such, parental control software programs should not be viewed as enforcers of recovery. Instead, they should be seen as tools of recovery that can help an addict maintain sobriety (through the filtering features) and rebuild trust with a spouse or partner (through the accountability features).

Here’s an updated review of the most popular parental control software programs.