A Partner Has a Sex Addiction…Now What?
It’s a shock to find out a partner has any kind of addiction, but finding out a spouse or partner has a sexual addiction can be especially traumatic. Studies have shown that many partners equate a partner’s sex addiction to cheating, and feel emotions like grief and denial that can be compared to the death of a partner.
Sex addiction is especially complex because it can remain hidden for years. A partner can engage in sex with multiple partners, be involved in online sex or purchase paid sexual services without a spouse knowing the behavior is going on.
A recent article addresses what to do when the knowledge of sex addiction is revealed, and highlights the ways uncovering sex addiction is different than uncovering other types of addictions.
While a person addicted to drugs may be confronted by several members of the family, coworkers or friends, when sexual addiction is present, one person (typically the spouse or partner) guides the process of getting help in the beginning due to the intimate nature of the addiction. Experts encourage getting help immediately from a trained sex addiction professional, because sex addiction – like alcoholism or drug addiction – is progressive, destructive and multi-faceted.
Guiding a spouse or partner toward professional treatment for sex addiction is critical because this will dictate the start of a recovery process. Sex addiction recovery cannot be reached by resolving to stop the behaviors; people caught in the addiction have lost their ability to control urges for the behavior.
They may engage in sexual behaviors in public places, in the workplace, or forgo family and social commitments as the addiction progresses. Numerous systems at the brain level and other biological levels, as well as emotional levels, are involved, making just stopping the behavior impossible.
Having an honest question/answer session with a spouse or partner is also an important first step in facing the addiction. This may be especially difficult when emotions like guilt, shame, anger and betrayal set in, making it essential that both partners receive individual and couples-based help as the recovery process begins.
Sex addiction is believed to affect at least three to five percent of the adult population in the U.S., a number that is likely much higher due to the discreet nature of the addiction. New research studies and treatment centers are helping open doors toward reducing stigma for thousands of people living with the complex addiction.