Dealing with Shame and Guilt As a Result of Addiction pt. II

How do you work through feelings of guilt and shame?  First, you identify what those feelings are.

You feel guilt over something you do. If you tell someone a lie, you may feel guilty.  You can overcome those feelings of guilt, however, by apologizing or making amends.  Think of guilt as a moral conscious:  If I know I’m going to feel guilty after I’ve done something … I might be less inclined to do it.

You feel shame over who you are.  It is felt at a much deeper level and can develop from compounded feelings of guilt.

For instance, if I tell you a lie – I feel guilty.  I can relieve my guilt, however, by apologizing to you and being truthful from that point on.

But if I tell you a lie repeatedly… and if I lie to everyone I know, something happens that transcends guilt.  I develop the core belief that I don’t just tell lies – I’m a liar.  And from that core belief stems shame.

Repeated actions for which I feel guilty bring on intense feelings of shame.

I don’t just steal.  I’m a thief.

I don’t just cheat.  I’m a cheater. Or, I’m untrustworthy in relationships.  I’m unworthy.  I’m unlovable.  I’m bad.

It is simple to move out from under this dark cloud of shame — But not easy.

Each day you don’t tell a lie carries you one step further away from your shame based identity of being a liar.

Each day you don’t cheat moves you away from being a person who’s untrustworthy.

Each day in recovery restores your sense of integrity and heals you from the shame that developed when you were active in your addiction.

I said this is simple – but not easy.  It doesn’t have to be overwhelming, however, if you break it down to one day at a time – or better yet – one action at a time.

When faced with a decision, stop and ask yourself “What’s the next best thing I need to do to stay in my recovery?”  And then follow your inner voice.