Are Movies About Sexual Addiction Worthwhile?

Since 2011 there have been four widely released films about sexual addiction:

• Shame (2011): starring Michael Fassbender
• Thanks for Sharing (2013): starring Mark Ruffalo, Tim Robbins, Pink, and Josh Gad
• Don Jon (2013): starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Scarlett Johansson, and Julianne Moore
• Nymphomaniac: Volume I (2014): starring Charlotte Gainsbourg and Stellan Skarsgård

The first of these films, Shame, is a gritty portrayal of active male sex addiction. The movie is incredibly accurate in many meaningful ways, but because it only shows an active sex addict at his “bottom” it can be difficult to watch, even for sex addicts. And many non-sex addicted viewers walk away from this movie feeling shocked and appalled by what they’ve just seen. They just can’t wrap their heads around this debilitating disease and what it does to people. Nevertheless, despite its many “avert your eyes” scenes, Shame is an excellent film that received a considerable amount critical acclaim when it first hit theaters. Three years later it still serves as both a cautionary tale and a useful educational tool about what active male sex addiction is really like—the compulsive behaviors, the unbearable emotions, the emptiness, the isolation, and the incomprehensible demoralization.

The next film, Thanks for Sharing, is equally accurate in its depiction of sexual addiction, but instead of looking at active sex addiction it examines the process of recovery. There are many things to like about Thanks for Sharing, not the least of which is that it’s more enjoyable and therefore easier to watch than Shame. (Yes, there are still a few cringe-inducing moments, but that’s inevitable if you’re going to show the realities of sexual addiction.) Also laudable is the fact that the movie presents the unvarnished truth of recovery, making it clear that sex addicts don’t walk into a couple of 12-step meetings and suddenly get well. In fact, we see one terrible relapse, several near relapses, one person lying about sobriety time, and quite a bit more in terms of the ups and downs of sex addiction recovery. Finally, and best of all, Thanks for Sharing accurately depicts the need for constant social support in recovery.

Next up is Don Jon, a less-accurate and not recommended look at pornography addiction. The film gets quite a lot correct, most notably what the active phase of porn addiction looks like. In fact, the main character displays all of the common signs and symptoms, especially real-world relationship issues, lying, and a preference for “porn sex” over the real thing. Unfortunately, the unrealistic, feel-good fantasy ending of this movie rather seriously misleads viewers about the ways in which porn addiction can effectively be dealt with.

Finally we have Nymphomaniac: Volume I, another gritty depiction of active sex addiction, though this time the story is told from the viewpoint of a woman, Joe, played by Charlotte Gainsbourg. Like Shame, Nymphomaniac: Volume I is an amazingly accurate depiction of the emptiness, misery, and shame that typically accompany active sex addiction. In fact, the understanding of sexual addiction in this film runs startlingly deep. At one point Joe’s confessor, Seligman (Stellan Skarsgard), explains to her the often compartmentalized nature of Johann Sebastian Bach’s music, telling her that Bach relied upon multiple independent melodies woven together to form a simultaneously disjointed yet cohesive whole (a technique known as polyphony). Joe immediately grasps this concept, as any true sex addict would, launching into a description of three separate lovers, each of whom meets, for her, a singular and separate emotional need—nurturance, animalistic sexual desire, and affirmation of her existence as a human being. Overall, this film is incredibly artful, significantly more so than Shame, Thanks for Sharing, and Don Jon, but it is no less accurate as a result. In fact, the “art film” devices that are used actually illuminate many key aspects of active sexual addiction.

The fact that three of these four films are accurate in their portrayal of sex addiction and recovery is actually somewhat amazing, considering how misunderstood sexual and romantic disorders typically are. Excepting Don Jon, these films are highly recommended for anyone interested in learning more about sexual addiction, as they without doubt bring viewers into the dark and painful world of those who struggle with this debilitating disorder.

CAVEAT: If you self-identify as sexually addicted, proceed with caution when viewing any of these films, as they may be triggering. In particular, Shame and Nymphomaniac: Volume I are quite sexually graphic. As such, you may want to bookend any screening of these films with calls to a sponsor or another supportive person in recovery.