‘We Will End the Conflict Now’ Offers Advice, Hope for Porn Addicts

William’s addiction began when he was just 9 years old. Like a growing number of Americans, his vice of choice was pornography, and the addiction continued well into his adult life. But he was able to recover by finding strength in God and sage advice from addiction experts and even quotes from famous authors like Mark Twain. After coming through their own personal issues, William Donne and his wife, Mae, have written a book intended to help others claim victory over pornography addiction. The book, “We Will End the Conflict Now: Victory Over Pornography From the Perspective of a Recovered Addict and His Wife,” is honest—at times uncomfortably so—but there is a strong message of hope throughout that makes it a valuable read for people in the recovery process.

Dual Perspectives – A Husband and Wife’s Story

One of the most striking things about the book is its dual perspective. The first 31 chapters are told from William’s point of view — his story as a husband trying to overcome the addiction that had plagued him since he was a child. William’s story is invaluable, and his personal, direct experience of the problem offers insight that many readers—particularly those who haven’t been through this or a similar problem—will find illuminating.

But William’s story is only part of the book; six chapters are written by his wife, Mae. She offers guidance to women who find themselves in a similar position. She gives valuable advice and encourages women struggling with their husband’s pornography addiction to reach out to others for support.

Importance of Honesty in Recovery

One of the most common problems in pornography and sex addiction is the issue of honesty within relationships. The individual struggling with the addiction is inclined to hide things from his or her spouse, and this only serves to undermine trust and drive a wedge between the couple. In “We Will End the Conflict Now,” William writes an entire chapter on the importance of honesty. A quote from Mark Twain sums up the overall perspective nicely: “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” William continues, in his own words, “When a spouse knows there are no secrets, it is easier for him or her to trust the other completely. To have that trust will never be more important.”

The decision to devote a full chapter to this topic is a commendable one, because it’s so frequently an integral factor in the breakdown of relationships due to any type of addiction, but most notably sex and pornography addiction. The chapter addresses the issues with the book’s characteristic transparency and throws in a good helping of hard-won advice to help the struggling addicts reading the book.

Finding Strength in God During Recovery

William writes, “In the beginning, I wrote this book for myself and my family. We have since been able to play a part in the recovery and healing of some men and some women. … We are grateful to have been but a tool in the hands of an Author greater than ourselves.” Throughout the book, the message of finding strength in God is prominent, and the couple points to the Atonement of Jesus Christ for influencing their ability to get better and show forgiveness. William continues, later in the book, “I believe he (God) has the power to help change our hearts and minds, if we seek after and work like heck for those changes to come about.”

The last caveat is key. We can find strength in God and allow ourselves to heal through his power, but that doesn’t mean recovery is the process of sitting around and waiting for divine intervention. In fact, everybody in recovery has to work hard to get where they want to be. You may search for the strength in God, but you also have to provide some of that strength yourself. He may grant you the power to change, but it doesn’t work unless you show that you’re willing to put that power to good use.

Nobody claims the journey will be easy (because it won’t), but “We Will End the Conflict Now” provides poignant advice and the sort of uplifting support we could all use from time to time. The story is most immediately relevant to other sex and pornography addicts and their partners, but the messages contained within have the power to help all addicts, regardless of their behavior or substance of choice.