When a couple seeks therapy to help with a sexual problem such as sexual addiction or sexual dysfunction, what they don’t say during a session can be even more important to the process than what they do say.
Because of the differences between shame and guilt (who I am versus what I did), people respond to each emotion differently.
Guilt, because it emphasizes what someone did wrong, tends to elicit more constructive responses, particularly responses that seek to mend the damage done. Guilt is tied to beliefs about what is wrong, moral and immoral. When we violate one of these moral guidelines, it causes us to feel guilty over our actions and seek to fix what we have done. As a result, guilt is an important tool in maintaining standards of right and wrong in individuals and society as a whole. As such, guilt can often be used as a tool to overcome conflict.
