Trust is the bedrock of any successful relationship. It guides the connection and allows the two people to function without having to constantly be near each other. So, what happens when that trust is destroyed because of an addiction? Is there a way for a couple to reconnect once the trust is gone? Although the road will be difficult, it is possible to rebuild trust.
Theorists are still divided as to the question of nature vs. nurture when it comes to sexual orientation and gender identity. What is known is that socialization-social mores and the cultural rewards and punishments in place to maintain them-has a great deal to do with behavior among and between the sexes, and perhaps a good bit to do with an individual’s gender presentation (i.e., the way a person “performs” being male or female in the world).
Studies suggest that approximately ten percent of gay men are sex addicts – individuals who’ve lost control over their sexual behavior and are suffering directly related negative consequences as a result. It should be noted that in no way does being gay make a person a sex addict. In other words, gay sex addicts are not compulsively sexual because of their sexual orientation. Rather, they are compulsively sexual because of their individual psychological issues (depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, childhood trauma, etc.) and biological predisposition toward addiction. These are exactly the same risk factors we see with straight male sex addicts.
“Intimacy Anorexia” is term that was coined by Dr. Douglass Weiss of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs. Intimacy Anorexia means to withhold intimacy from relationships, most specifically romantic relationships, but it may extend to other familial relations like with children or parents as well. Often those who suffer from Intimacy Anorexia have sex/love addictions as well. On Dr. Weiss’ website, he estimates that 29% of male sex addicts also suffer from Intimacy Anorexia and that 39% of female sex addicts do. His study also found that 39% of the partners of sex addicts have Intimacy Anorexia. Intimacy Anorexia is also highly prevalent in those who play the role of the “Love Avoidant” in love-addicted relationships.
As many as one-fourth of adults working through treatment for sex addiction in a recent study are believed to also have other mental health symptoms. This provides information that may lead to further studies about the ways sexual addiction and certain types of mental disorders may overlap.
Abraham Maslow was one of the most innovative and influential psychologists of the mid-20th century. A truly original thinker, in the 1950s and 1960s Maslow became the primary spokesman for the humanistic school of psychology, which in contrast to Freudian psychoanalysis and behaviorism, focused largely on man’s potential for great achievement rather than simply studying mental illness, psychopathology, and dysfunction. The ongoing human potential movement, which first arose to prominence in the late 60s, was an outgrowth of humanistic psychology and owes much of its focus and ideological structure to the work of Maslow and those who have continued to popularize his ideas in the decades since his death in 1970.
It can be difficult for experts to know who is living with sexual addiction and who may be displaying excessive sexual activity that hasn’t yet become an addiction. Recently psychologists and experts have begun sharing what could become the criteria for helping diagnose and treat hypersexuality, sexual compulsivity or sexual addiction.
In the 18th century, the Marquis de Sade, a French aristocrat and philosopher became well recognized for his shocking, libertine sexual politics and personal lifestyle. He was more than ahead of his time. The marquis engaged in philosophical discourse around sexuality, and his philosophy, sexual practices, and erotic writings were known to combine the prurient with the sometimes violent. His words and deeds were considered criminal and blasphemous against the Catholic Church, and he would be imprisoned or locked in an insane asylum for 32 years of his life. The words “sadist” and “sadism” come from his name, Sade.
Abuse survivors may be understandably concerned or anxious about entering intimate relationships, especially marriage and parenthood. Psychotherapy can be a powerful tool to address our fears.
Childhood sexual abuse violated our development, our autonomy, and our bodies-or at a minimum our privacy and our personal space. We have been, in the most painfully literal way, objectified-turned into objects that seemed to exist only for the gratification of others’ desires, disregarding our own subjectivity and worth. Many of the risks for survivors are related to a disintegration of a sense of self, with integrity and boundaries.
