Rebuilding Trust in Romantic Relationships
Trust is the bedrock of any successful relationship. It guides the connection and allows the two people to function without having to constantly be near each other. So, what happens when that trust is destroyed because of an addiction? Is there a way for a couple to reconnect once the trust is gone? Although the road will be difficult, it is possible to rebuild trust.
Apologize Completely and Effectively
It does not matter what addiction is at the root of the loss of trust; the actions and behaviors you exhibited while addicted caused your partner to lose faith in you. Apologizing seems the best way to go about beginning to heal, but it will not be easy. Simply saying you are sorry will not erase the mountain of hurt and anger stored behind the lack of trust. Not only will you have to work to offer the right type of apology, you will also need to offer it at the right time. The strongest and healthiest apologies work best when they are not given at the moment you are caught; in those instances you may appear to be insincere. However, when you wait to process what happened, how your partner feels about it, and the impact the incident had on your relationship, the apology seems heartfelt and sincere. Additionally, when you apologize, be clear in seeking true forgiveness and understanding. You may want to offer an explanation but be careful not to offer excuses.
Understand His or Her Side and Offer Your Own
One of the most difficult parts of a relationship is that you never know what your partner is thinking or what he or she imagined. Likewise, your partner does not always have the full picture of your actions and choices either. Take the time to truly listen to each other. You will not be able to rebuild trust if you do not clear the air from the negative behaviors of your addiction. However, you must be prepared to hear difficult things. Even if your partner tries not to accuse, his or her words may still hold a biting and accusatory tone. Rebuilding trust requires absolute honesty, even when things are difficult to hear.
Make Promises and Follow Through
In order to rebuild trust in your relationship, you actually have to be trustworthy. Promises will have little meaning to your partner now after you have broken that trust. But, that does not mean you discontinue making promises. Instead, it simply indicates you make promises that are agreed upon by both of you-reasonable, and clear. Once those promised expectations have been made, it is even more important that you follow through. Words alone will not regain your partner’s trust. Instead, you will have to show your partner you are serious about the relationship by following through on your promises, every single time they are made.
Get to Know Each other Again
Just as trust is not built overnight, neither is romance. Unfortunately if your partner does not trust you, there is probably very little romance in your life. You will have to work to rebuild this. Take your partner to dinner, just to spend some time to reconnect. Go for walks in the evening. You know your partner better than anyone, so use that knowledge and work to reconnect and rebuild the spark that once resided in your relationship.
Have Regular Conversations
Reconnecting together will take time and it will take consistent communication. The two of you have to be willing to regularly talk with each other about everything. Promise to set aside time for each day that the two of you will spend together, even if it is just fifteen minutes. During that time, allow your partner to ask questions and share feelings. Share your own thoughts for the future and talk honestly about how things are going. The topics are not necessarily important; what is critical is that you keep lines of communication open.
Trust will not be rebuilt with one single incident; it will happen overtime. But, if you and your partner commit to making it happen, rebuilding trust can be successful. Be open and honest along the way and expect roadblocks to occur. When you take the time to accomplish this, your relationship may actually come out stronger than it was before.