How to Respond to Sex Addiction “Deniers”
I recently heard Bill Maher on TV deny the existence of sex addiction. Brilliant Bill Maher!! He didn’t really make a case; all he did was look sarcastic and say “sex addiction? Give me a BREAK.” I’ve recently noticed that Sex Addiction “Deniers” are more prevalent than I had thought so here are a few of the idiotic theories that deniers toss out followed by some suggested responses.
(1) “They’re not sex addicts they’re just red blooded males.” This could also be described as the “boys will be boys” hypothesis. Well to this I say first of all, what about the 30% or so of sex addicts who are women? But this is a dangerous tack to take because it leads downhill fast to Neanderthal comments about those slutty depraved types of women (or men) etc. On the whole it’s probably best just to launch into some description of the red blooded men who enjoy dressing up in women’s clothes, or some other activity that doesn’t match their macho ethic. This may not end the argument but you can at least make your adversary uncomfortable and watch him try to maneuver out of it.
(2) “It’s what everybody wants, it’s just that some people do it because they can get away with it, i.e. they have the money, the power, etc.” While it is true that money and power can make it easier to act out sexually, it’s also true that most rich, powerful people are not sexually addicted. This is because the addiction is a disorder that cuts across demographics and relates directly to early life problems. But since this is a relatively mundane argument, you could also counter with something like “So what are you, a psychic? You know what everybody really wants?” Or maybe, “Sounds like it’s what you want!”
(3) “It’s a moral issue – it’s just a bad choice.” This one is so living-under-a-rock weird that it’s almost a conversation stopper. About all I can say is that sex addiction, and sometimes sex offending, are evidently a big problem even among the most morally pure and devout segments of the society. You could also argue that a rigidly moralistic, repressive upbringing is one factor relating to later sexual problems but maybe this is too inflammatory. You may wish you had just changed the subject to begin with.
(4) “There’s no evidence for an actual physiological addiction like with alcohol and drugs.” Actually there is, so you’re on firmer ground here. There is evidence that certain early experiences impede normal development of parts of the brain having to do with regulating emotion and behavior and that this underlies the neuro-chemical abnormalities that lead to addictions of various kinds, including sexual addiction. You may hit a brick wall with this as some people will want to deny science too. Oh well, you tried.
By: Dr. Linda Hatch