Celebrity Wedding Planner Accused of Sex Addiction
By now, media is saturated with reports of accusations against David Tutera, celebrity wedding and event planner, designer, public speaker, author, and host of WE TV’s My Fair Wedding. The accusations were brought by Tutera’s husband of ten years, Ryan Jurica, who filed court documents claiming the demise of the relationship was due to Tutera’s problems with “sex addiction,” further stating that Tutera had “engaged in a pattern of hiring sex escorts and prostitutes to support his addiction.”
In these documents, Jurica goes on to explain that after Tutera initiated the split, he checked himself into rehab for problems with alcohol, and records indicated Ryan Jurica had been arrested for DWI prior to the split. Both men are suing for sole custody of unborn twins expected to be born with the help of a surrogate this summer.
To the allegations of sex abuse, David Tutera has stated, “I am saddened by these developments; I am angered by the lies; and I am committed to moving beyond this painful moment to focus on my professional commitments and the upcoming birth of my children…I will fight vigorously to defend my reputation in the court of law as well as the court of public opinion. I believe them to be fabrications of a desperate individual in order to gain a legal advantage in our separation.”
Pot vs. Kettle?
Whether or not David Tutera, or anyone else, has a problem with sexual addiction is likely not a matter the public will be ever be able to decide – though certainly this will not stop the tabloids or the press from attempting to discover more. If what has been disclosed thus far is true, only Jurica has admitted to a problem that led him to rehab, and the public records may be able to support the likelihood that he did have a problem, or has a potential for future problems (i.e., alcohol abuse). But unless David Tutera were to admit – either to himself or a trusted other – that he has a problem with procuring sex-for-hire, one which he feels powerless to stop on his own, no one other than a trusted therapist would be able to say whether or not these allegations against him might also be true.
It may be that Jurica – because he knows he will face being outed for alcohol abuse and DWI in court – has chosen to attack with something he feels carries greater stigma: sex addiction. Accusing his husband of ten years of having a problem with sexual addiction, and specifically a problem of cheating with prostitutes (rather than with, say, pornography), may carry more weight in the court of public opinion. Sexual addiction carries tremendous stigma. We all know and care about someone who may have had problems with alcohol at one time, but with prostitutes? This is the addiction so laden with shame it cannot be spoken about in polite company.
Whether or not it is true doesn’t matter. The accusation is enough to tarnish Tutera’s reputation and his image with celebrities, politicians, and the socialites with whom he does business. Will WE TV pick him up for another season? These are the things rumor alone can break.
But What If?
If David Tutera does in fact have sexual addiction, how will the stress of such public attention on the problem affect its outcome? Any addiction is a habitual pattern used in order to escape stress, even while the pattern itself may create more stress in the long run. When stress increases, addiction is usually activated – and it continues to increase in frequency and level of behavior.
But what if we lived in a world in which the accusation of something so significant in a person’s life as “sex addiction” encouraged empathy, compassion, and understanding in those directly involved as well as those far removed – the public that is consuming the sensational media which survives on the brutal stories of lives torn asunder? What a different world it would be. In such a world, “irreconcilable differences” would likely be the accepted reason for the divorce of such a couple; no one would feel the need to amp up the causes out of last minute scorn or fear or desperation. And two unborn babies would be safe in the expectation that when they arrive in the world, both their parents would take a full role in their lives, as all parents ought to be able to do if they are willing.
If Jurica has sought treatment for problems with alcohol, there is no shame in that. If Tutera ends up having sexual addiction (something which cannot be known simply by accusations made in court documents), there is no shame in that either. Hopefully, he would also get the help he needed. The only shame in such a situation is the awful public record left behind for two yet unborn children to one day learn about – how their fathers fought so desperately at the end of their marriage, and before their lives had even begun.