12-Step Groups for Sex Addicts

Sometimes people new to sex addiction recovery don’t know about all of the options that are available to them. In addition to inpatient treatment, intensive outpatient treatment, individual therapy, and/or sex addiction focused group therapy, sex addicts may want to attend 12-step sexual recovery meetings. The simple truth is that while intensive treatment and therapy are a great start to sexual recovery, and often an integral part of long-term sobriety, over time 12-step support groups are the true lifeblood of a healthy, happy, sexually sober life. After all, 12-step meetings are where recovering addicts meet others with similar issues who are also working to stay sober – people who quickly become a support network that “speaks the language” of sexual addiction.

A lot of times recovering sex addicts resist “S” meetings because they don’t know much about the programs. What are my options? Which program is right for me? Will I be welcome? Etc. In reality, there is little to worry about. There are several different programs, and even though each group operates a bit differently they are all welcoming and all geared toward the same basic goals of sexual and romantic sobriety. (If you are totally unfamiliar with 12-step sexual recovery groups and have fears about going, watching the excellent and very accurate film Thanks for Sharing may help to alleviate your concerns.) The various programs are:

• Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), www.saa-recovery.org/, 800-477-8191. SAA is a 12-step program for all sex addicts. Many SAA meetings are a mix of straight and gay sex addicts. Women are welcome, though many (perhaps most) meetings are predominantly male.
• Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA), www.sca-recovery.org/, 800-977-4325. SCA is a 12-step program for all sex addicts. SCA meetings are concentrated mostly in major urban areas. The meetings often reflect a sizable gay presence, and the program is generally regarded as the most gay-friendly of the sexual recovery groups. Women are welcome.
• Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), www.slaafws.org/, 210-828-7900. SLAA is a 12-step program designed for sex addicts, love addicts, and other individuals with patterns of unhealthy romantic relationships. SLAA has a greater female presence than the other 12-step sexual recovery programs. Some meetings are for women only.
• Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), www.sa.org, 866-424-8777. SA is a 12-step program for sex addicts. SA is generally considered to be the most “hardcore” of the sexual recovery programs, defining sexual sobriety as being sexual only with your spouse. Most of the meetings are composed of men. Historically, SA has been the least gay-supportive of the 12-step recovery programs because of its insistence on linking sobriety with traditional definitions of marriage.
• Sexual Recovery Anonymous (SRA), www.sexualrecovery.org. SRA is a 12-step program similar to SA, except the phrase “committed relationship” is used instead of “marriage.” Meetings are limited in number but open to everyone in sexual recovery.

There are also 12-step programs for spouses, partners, and other family members of sex addicts. These include:

• S-Anon International, www.sanon.org, 800-210-8141. A companion program to SA, S-Anon is a 12-step program for spouses of sex addicts. Most meetings are primarily comprised of married women.
• COSA, www.cosa-recovery.org, 866-899-2672. A companion program to SAA, COSA is a 12-step program for partners and significant others of sex addicts. Both men and women attend groups. COSA is more gay-friendly than S-Anon.
• Recovering Couples Anonymous (RCA), www.recovering-couples.org, 781-794-1456. RCA is a 12-step program that focuses on recovery issues experienced by couples affected by sex addiction. Both partners (addict and co-addict) are encouraged to attend. All committed couples are welcome.

As you can see, there are many different 12-step options. If you are not sure which group is right for you, attend a few meetings of each and see which group feels most comfortable, helpful, and enjoyable to you. (Yes, some meetings really are quite a lot of fun.) It is also important to keep in mind the idea that different meetings in the same program can be very dissimilar. Thus, it’s a good idea to try multiple meetings before dismissing a program entirely. Before attending any meeting of any 12-step sexual recovery program, it is a good idea to check the group’s website or call the group’s local hotline number to see what sort of meeting it is. Some meetings are “open” (meaning anyone may attend), some meetings are “closed” (meaning only self-identified sex addicts may attend), and a few meetings are gender-specific. Last but not least, if you are struggling to find local meetings that work for you, explore online meetings. Nearly all of the programs conduct at least a few meetings via webcam.