How to Live with a Sex Addict
Finding out that your partner has a sex addiction can be devastating. First, there is the way in which you found out. Maybe you caught him cheating on you, or you found his enormous stash of pornography. Maybe you even found that he had been using prostitutes. The ways in which sex addiction manifests are disturbing and upsetting. If you and your partner have confronted the issue and decided to work through it, you have a long road ahead. How can you continue living with and loving your sex-addicted partner?
Participate in Therapy
Being a part of your partner’s recovery is important. Knowing that you are there to support him will help. It is also important for you to engage in what he is going through. It helps you to understand and to be supportive. Participating doesn’t mean you have to go with him to every meeting or therapy session, but be there when he needs you and attend sessions with a therapist to work on your relationship together.
Practice Good Communication
After finding out what your partner has been up to, you most likely feel betrayed first and foremost. The loss of trust is detrimental to your relationship. Learning to trust him again and to recover the intimacy you once shared, you need to learn to communicate with each other. Instead of ignoring your feelings and keeping them bottled up, share. Tell him how his actions made you feel. Tell him when you aren’t sure you can trust him yet. Encourage him to be open with you as well. By communicating with each other you will learn to build up your intimate relationship again.
Be Patient
Many experts agree that full recovery from sex addiction is possible, but it takes time. It can take several years to be in recovery, and there may be some very tumultuous times during that period. If you love your partner and are committed to staying together, you will need to be patient with the process. In the early stages, he may even have some relapses and may return to old behaviors. With patience and commitment to treatment you can both get through it.
Learn to Forgive and Let Go
Throughout his addictive period, your partner likely did some things that hurt you deeply. He hurt your feelings, damaged your trust and betrayed the commitment you had made to the relationship. It is extremely difficult to forgive these actions and to let go of them, but it is essential. It helps no one to drag up the hurtful incidents of the past when you are both trying to heal and to reestablish your relationship. You should work through them together in therapy, and then let them go.
Take Care of Yourself
During recovery from sex addiction, much of the focus will be on your partner or on the two of you as a unit. Don’t let yourself get lost in this process. If the two of you are to heal as a couple, you each need to be happy and satisfied. This may mean that you need to work with a therapist on your own. Or you might want to attend support group meetings for loved ones of sex addicts. Taking care of you may even be as simple as taking time out from the recovery process to do things you enjoy. Take yourself to the spa for a massage or take a day off to go for a hike or read your favorite book.
Healing from sex addiction is a long process, but it is one that can be accomplished with hard work, patience and support. Support your partner but also take care of yourself, and the two of you can be happy together again.