Sex Addiction and Narcissism

Sex addiction treatment specialists have long reported that the majority of their clients are also highly narcissistic. In other words, clinicians working in the field have noted that sex addicts are almost universally self-centered and self-absorbed – not just sexually but also elsewhere in their lives. Until very recently this perceived link between sexual addiction and narcissistic beliefs and behaviors was purely anecdotal, based on reports from the field. However, a study titled Narcissism & Internet Pornography Use quantifies this link.

In the study, more than 250 people answered questions about their use (or non-use) of Internet pornography  . These individuals also completed a trio of questionnaires commonly used as clinical measurements of narcissism. Unsurprisingly to clinicians who treat sexual addiction, test subjects who said they had ever viewed Internet pornography scored higher on all three narcissism inventories than those who hadn’t, and individuals who said they currently viewed Internet pornography scored even higher on two of the three measures, with the third measure approaching but not reaching statistical significance. These results held for both males and females regardless of age, sexual orientation, or race.

Admittedly this study looked at porn use rather than porn addiction, so the findings don’t directly apply to a sexually addicted population. However, it is reasonable to assume that sex addicted porn users (especially porn addicts, who often spend several hours per day viewing and sometimes masturbating to Internet pornography) would score even higher on the narcissism scales.

What Is Narcissism?

At this point it is important to make sure readers understand the true nature of narcissism. Typically, narcissistic people are thought of as self-centered, entitled, and grandiose, which suggests they have an over-inflated sense of self-worth. That is actually not the case. In fact, from a clinical standpoint the opposite is true, meaning narcissists actually have chronically low self-esteem. Essentially, narcissistic (self-centered and grandiose) behavior is a defense mechanism used to cope with deeply rooted feelings of shame, inadequacy, and unworthiness. So even though many narcissists are successful in their careers and elsewhere in their lives, beneath the surface they are both fragile and insecure.

What Does This Mean?

At this point you may be wondering if the link between narcissism and sexual addiction is meaningful or simply coincidental. To resolve this question, a basic understanding of sexual addiction is helpful. The most important thing to know is that sex addicts (and other addicts) don’t engage their addiction to have fun and feel better; instead, they use their addiction to escape from stress, emotional discomfort, and the pain of underlying psychological disorders like depression, severe anxiety, attachment deficits, and unresolved early-life trauma. And all of these issues can and typically do result from low self-esteem, the same as narcissism. In other words, childhood trauma issues (usually the result of inadequate, neglectful, and/or abusive parenting) may cause people to feel shame about who they are, which in turn leads to the development of maladaptive coping mechanisms like narcissism and sexual addiction.

So we see that narcissism and sexual addiction arise from the same early-life wounding to self-esteem, self-image, and self-worth. In other words, narcissistically wounded individuals feel bad about who they are, and they cope with their emotional discomfort by covering it up with narcissistic actions and/or numbing it out with compulsive sexual behaviors (or other addictive behaviors). These individuals want to be distracted from what they are feeling. They want control over their experience of life.

When times get tough, instead of reaching out to empathetic others for support (as emotionally healthy people do), they go for the quick fix that involves only them and their need/desire for escape and dissociation. This is especially true with Internet porn, where the user controls the entire experience and therefore remains emotionally safe – insulated from the emotional discomfort he or she might experience when dealing with other people.

Seeking Help for Sexual Addiction and Narcissism

Interestingly, both narcissism and sexual addiction are emotionally isolating issues. This means that recovery from both involves a process of connecting (and overcoming shame) through safe and supportive interactions. As such, healing from both narcissism and sexual addiction occurs best in group recovery settings, including inpatient rehabs, addiction-focused group therapy sessions, social learning environments, and 12-step support groups.